Cruising Etiquette

If you’re interested in approaching a guy — or someone is interested in you — this usually happens through cruising. Cruising is a non-verbal way of communicating interest using eye contact, body language, and subtle movements to signal sexual interest.

For some people, cruising feels intuitive. For others, the “rules” aren’t always obvious. Below is a simple guide to the kinds of non-verbal signals commonly used to show interest — or to politely decline it.

Making eye contact and holding it slightly longer than usual is a common first step. You might then glance or nod toward a cubicle or another space to suggest where you’d like to go.

Body language also plays a big role. Standing or leaning in an open way, smiling, or lightly touching your body can signal interest. Some people may gently brush past someone or briefly touch an arm or hand while moving through a space.

If you notice someone cruising you and you’re keen, mirroring their behaviour is often enough — returning eye contact, copying their posture, or offering a nod or smile.

From there, either person may gesture toward a space or start walking, with the other following. If you turn around and the person doesn’t follow, it usually means the interest wasn’t mutual, and it’s best to move on.

Once you’re together in a more private space, it’s completely fine to speak and check in about things like condom use. Many people still choose to use condoms, even when PrEP and undetectable viral load are part of the picture.

If you’re not interested, breaking eye contact and looking away is usually enough. Some people also turn their body away or move to another area.

If someone gestures for you to follow and you don’t — or you walk away — that should clearly communicate disinterest. Most people will understand and respect this.

You always have the right to say no to anything you don’t want to do. Just as importantly, it’s your responsibility to respect others if they say no to you. Consent is essential, and either person can withdraw it at any time during an encounter.

While cruising is often non-verbal, it’s always okay to talk openly about what you want. If you’re unsure about a signal, checking in verbally is a good idea — your safety and comfort matter more than maintaining the mood.

​

If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries or continues to follow you, venue staff are there to help and can step in if needed.

Darkrooms can make consent trickier, since visual cues are harder to read. They’re not “anything goes” spaces. Consent still matters, and it lasts only as long as everyone involved is comfortable.

If you want to withdraw consent, you can do so verbally or by clearly removing someone’s hand or body from yours. Once someone shows signs of wanting to stop, that decision must be respected immediately.

​

If a darkroom doesn’t feel safe or comfortable for you, it’s okay to step away and explore other areas of the venue instead.

Menfriends run themed nights, such as leather, underwear, or towel-free events. Check our Events Page or social media to stay in the loop.

​

Looking after your sexual health is always important. Use condoms, PrEP, or undetectable viral load strategies in ways that work for you and your partners. Check our Sexual Health page for more on this.
 

Try not to take the experience too personally. Every visit is different — sometimes it’s busy, sometimes it’s quiet.

If things are slow, consider moving to a different area, relaxing in the sauna, or asking staff when the venue is usually busiest. Some venues even allow pass-outs so you can return later.

Finally, saunas aren’t always the best place to find emotional connection, especially if you’re feeling lonely. If a venue isn’t meeting your needs, it’s okay to leave, check in with yourself, and seek out support elsewhere if you need it.